FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are
closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling
up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for
everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get
into Heaven."  Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter,
sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that
the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions Over. He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a
chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers"  Forrest
replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with
the letter "T"?  Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and
Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not
what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not
specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next
one?" asked St. Peter.  "How many seconds in a year? Now that one is
harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess
the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's
name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"  Forrest replied,
"Shucks, there's got to be twe lve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
2nd... "  "Hold it ," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going
with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in
mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go
on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name"?  "Sure," Forrest replied, "it's
Andy."  "Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. "Ok, I
can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy
as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it
from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I
AM HIS OWN."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, To get some humor ou t of
life, And to pass it on to other folks