"OutHouses"Jokes
"Outhouses"Jokes
Updated....2009-06-06
All jokes are submitted by readers; in many cases the author's/artists are unknown; except in one's where stated and we have the permissions to post........you are welcome to submit a joke; they must be clean, and not hateful or rude................
Thank you to every one for sharing all of these jokes......it lifts the spirit, and laughter is truly healing..so again thank you to every one whom submits and shares all the humor, clean humor.....
Trivia......why call a joke page "Outhouses"?? I asked several males in my family what guys would like to see in art and to perhaps put on the website....more than one said ; outhouses........and the rest is history.......ha ha...Spirit Walker
"Don't Worry Be Happy" by RiverSongs
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed 'Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality, ' or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E... . (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Pastor; to a couple in church...."we have not seen you in church lately." the couple says; "Oh we have been here." Pastor responds;" well where have you been than I don't recall seeing you thought maybe you had started going to St. Mattress the Church of the Living Springs?"
Alimony: Two person mistake paid by one.
Broker: Poorer than you were last year.
Budget: Written proof that you cannot afford the things you want.
Day Trader: A more socially acceptable gambling addict.
Discounted Stock: A stock that is less expensive than last month and more expensive than it will be next month.
Market Correction: The day before you buy stocks.
_______________________
(click, push run, and your player)
Never Under estimate an Ole Gal
___________________________
Brain Teaser......
Rules:IT'S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS! , ENTER YOUR answers, SEND IT ON to friends, a real brain teaser
USE THE 1ST LETTER OF YOUR LAST NAME TO ANSWER EACH OF THE FOLLOWING
QUESTIONS. THEY HAVE TO BE REAL PLACES, NAMES, THINGS. NOTHING MADE UP!
TRY TO USE DIFFERENT ANSWERS IF THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU HAD THE SAME
1ST INITIAL.. YOU CAN'T USE YOUR NAME FOR THE BOY/GIRL NAME QUESTION.
Have Fun
1. Your last name: ___________
2. A four letter word:__________
3. A Boys name: _____________
4. A Girls name: _____________
5. An Occupation: ____________
6. A Color: ___________________
7. Something you wear:________
8. A Beverage:_________________
9. A Food:_____________________
10. Something found in the bathroom: _______
11. A place:_________________________
12. A Reason for being late: ______________
13. Something you shout:_______________
The hardest part is finding 10 people that will play with you!!!
Outhouse with full basement
Laughing(push for recording)
Without God;, our week would be:
Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday,
Thirstday, Fightday & Shatterday.
One WEAK!!
A man was upset because; he said his wife expected him to brew coffee every morning; because he got up first, he said it was a womans job, because she fixed the meals and took care of the household as a teem mate. His wife stated she could not find anything in the Bible that said; she had to fix the coffee; but the husband insisted he could wait till she got up and brewed the coffee; for both of them.
He talked to the Pastor about the situation and wanted to know if the Pastor knew of any scripture in the Bible that said, he should make the coffee instead of his wife; whom he thought should do it. The Pastor said;" Well, let's look and see what we can find in the Bible;" the Pastor than said;"Well it is in the Bible that a man should fix the coffee; it's right here,"= "He brews"......
Moses Mother was a high ranking investment banker. How do I know? She reached into the Nile and pulled out a Prophet...........
What do you call a cow with an itch?
Beef Jerky......
If Bud and Lou were here today
It helps to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello , and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. ?For
those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT??
?????????????????
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a com puter.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou .
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou .
ABBOTT : What about Windows?
COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?
ABBOTT : Wallpaper.
COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT : Software for Windows?
COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT : I just did.
COSTELLO : You just did what?
ABBOTT : Recommend something.
COSTELLO : You recommended something ?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : For my office?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I wan t to type a proposal. ?What do I need?
ABBOTT : Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT : It comes bundled with yo ur computer.
COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT : One copy.
COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............?
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
:
JESUS SAVES....
You can submit a funny, clean cartoon to, If you design it you must send written permission; if it is copyrighted; that is a NO NO
Copyright: Gospel Communications International, Inc.- http://www.reverendfun.org
Knock, Knock Jokes
THE BUZZARD:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely
Open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an
Absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight
From the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as
Is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a
Prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
THE BAT:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble
Creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is
Placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about
Helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight
Elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once,
It takes off like a flash.
THE BUMBLEBEE:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it
Dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the
Top, but persists in trying to find a way out through the sides near
The bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely
Destroys itself.
PEOPLE:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We
Struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing
That all we have to do is look up! That's the answer, the escape route
And the solution to any problem! Just look up.
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up!
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in
Our Creator who loves us.
SEND THIS TO A FRIEND ... I did!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
Do you see the baby?
Watch the frog turn into a horse.
Can you see ten faces in the tree?
There's a face in there can you see it?
Just laugh it is good medicine, and healthy.......
